Team Portal watches V Re-make

V remake logo

So here it is, the much talked about remake of the science fiction classic, V. Since Nicki is a true fan of the original, we decided rather than do a straight up review of the pilot, this should a chance for Team Portal to get together... and mock.

Opening scene.
Rob: She sleeps with her FBI badge open on the nightstand. Minus 5 for that.
Nicki: Clearly just to tell the audience who she is.

Scene changes to a church
Nicki: Um, look at all those stairs on the church. How did the guy in the wheelchair get up to the top? Another minus 5.

Jet crashes in middle of NYC
Nicki: That is absolutely terrible effects!
Rob: It explodes and blows the car down the street and then that's it? Where the debris? And why is the pilot dead? Minus 5 again.

Erica meets up with her on in NYC
Rob: Middle of NYC, she told him to stay there, and yet she's able to find him in a different crowd just like that! Minus 5!

Alien spacecrafts appear
Nicki: I really don't like the look of these ships. It just doesn't look very good. Even ID4 did it better. Uh, and TV screens on the bottom of the ship? An intergalactic advertisement? Really? I think this should be minus 10.

V Remake

Crowd starts applauding after Anna's message
Rob: Why is everyone applauding?
Nicki: Really? That's how they think people will react to aliens spacecraft appearing around the planet? Another minus 5 methinks.

Alan Tudyk appears.
Rob: Plus 5 for having Alan Tudyk.
Nicki: I'll add another 5 because I think Morena Baccarin can play a good lizard lady.

Priest says that the visitors came right now, just at our greatest moment of need
Rob: Really? Not during World War II. Or the Cuban Missile Crisis? Or September 12th? Or...
Nicki: I hear ya. Minus 5 for that.

Tyler gets a tour of the spaceship
Nicki: Well, it's reminiscent of the visitor shuttle craft, but the FX still looks too low budget.
Rob: In all of NYC, of course he manages to snag a tour of the ship! Minus 5.

Tyler flirts with visitor chick
Nicki: Methinks another lizard baby is on the way!

V remake

Tyler and Erica talking about visitors
Nicki: Minus 5 because they completely misunderstand what the symbol means. It was never meant to stand for Visitors. And why are they calling them V's? Because it's too hard to say visitors? Another minus 5!
Rob: I know. We don't call Al Qaeda AQ's.

Erica discovers abandoned hideout
Rob: Of course she has to find the hideout and she has to be the one to say that it's C4 because she's the main character. Minus 5.

Erica finds text about meeting
Rob: Sleeper cells don't send texts about their secret meetings! Minus 5.

Meetings where humans have to be cut to prove they're not visitors
Nicki: I hate this, this is such a rip off of The Thing. Minus 5.
Rob: Why does nobody have bandages behind their ears?

Erica sees pic of one of terrorists who is supposedly a visitor
Nicki: That's her proof? A picture?
Rob: If they've been here so long, why do they not have a body of a visitor that they could use as proof.
Nicki: This really doesn't work thematically. Instead of seeing the resistance built up, like in the original, we suddenly have a resistance that's already there? There's no through-line from being nice aliens to sinister, oppressive aliens. Minus 5!

V remake lizard face

Aliens device attacks, followed by visitor ninjas and Alan Tudyk, who is revealed to also be a visitor.
Nicki: Liked the bit where Tudyk is revealed and then he blinks. Plus 5 for that but the ninjas looked really bad. I'm an alien race who can cure most human ailments. Why would I send in that device and ninjas, when I can create a nerve gas that is only harmful to humans and will quickly dissipate. That way you only have to dispose of the bodies. And why would Alan Tudyk run in like that? This is clearly just there to reveal that he was a visitor. Minus 10 for that I reckon!

Ryan reveals himself as a visitor too.
Nicki: I hope that he was marrying someone who doesn't want kids. Just because they can clone human skin doesn't means his baby won't be a lizard. Minus 5 for poorly thought out plot points.

Finally the episode is over


Nicki: I feel dirty.
Rob: We can watch the miniseries over again if you like.
Nicki: Thanks. I need to. I'm trying to be fair and impartial, even though the original was one of the earliest scifi TV series I can remember watching but even on it's own, this series is...
Rob: Pretty weak. Doesn't have enough scifi for the scifi fans and not enough soap opera to draw in the non-scifi fans.
Nicki: Exactly. And on that note, I believe the tally for the night is minus 70.

Return from Team Portal Watches V Re-make to TV


footer for V page